How I Almost Ended up Back in My Pit

I am a planner. Not a planner in the super detailed-type-A sort of way, more like life planning, think-through-all-the-possibilities sort of way. I like to think everything through, at times to the point of ridiculousness. After all it is one of my favorite lies to tell myself, if I plan for every possible contingency then maybe I am the one in control? Right. And so it was with that mindset that I have approached my weight loss journey…I thought I had mentally weighed out every possible issue I would be truly challenged with. That was just stupid.

First, I do not need to know the future. A theme seems to be running through my adult life so far and it can be summed up in just one sentence: Do I trust God? Often I will say, "Yes!" and then go back to trying to control things myself…that, dear readers, is NOT trust. And when I recently got the proverbial curve ball thrown at me I could hear God's still small voice ask me yet again, "Do you trust me?" Ever so aware of my lack of strength or my ability to do even do one day on my own, I chose to answer, "Yes." And then I stopped planning…but not before I almost fell back into my familiar pit.

Yes, I was doing great. I was exercising and eating just like I was supposed to… until…

…the reality of the fact that there are certain foods I will NEVER eat again began to sink in and my weight plateaued.

…I struggled to figure out what was next for my professional life.

…both my adult daughters moved back home, and then one moved back out.

…I got into a disagreement with my husband.

…my littles decided to color their bedroom walls.

…I let someone manipulate me into believing I was worthless, yet again.

I could go on. Maybe you can relate to some of those things, maybe you can't. The point is that I was finding myself slipping into that old familiar pit. I was at the edge. And then I forced myself to remember…

…how far I have come. I am not where I want to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be.

…that I can do all things through Christ.

…that it doesn't matter what I do as long as I am doing what God has for me.

…that God is big enough to deal with my kids, and with my big fat feelings.

…that God was the center of my marriage, and I will not give that up.

…that one can always paint walls.

…and that I am NOT worthless.

And then I realized something…

I really am learning how to fight for ME. I really am different…and God is SO not done with me yet. And to think how easy it would have been to just give up, to try to "plan" things out again…to once again choose misery over freedom. And then I had my "ah ha moment", I realized I really am learning how to trust Him. And dear reader, my mind cannot fathom the depth of the power there is in that one statement. No matter what comes, I trust the God of my yesterdays, todays and tomorrows.

For the latest information on my weight loss journey, check out my latest video:

Posted by Crystal on May 18, 2012 at 12:57PM.

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How I Got to 311 Pounds

My Family - December 2011

I sat in the doctor's office waiting for what seemed like my 1,000th appointment. I was tired, my body hurt, and I was so sick of being ill. I couldn't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep that lasted for more than a few hours. My body was quite literally attacking itself, and I still had no answers. All the different medications just weren't working, and I quite literally felt like I was falling apart. I felt rather hopeless that today's visit would offer anything new. Probably the same old thing: you just need to lose weight.... Why did they always make it sound so simple? Did they think that somehow over the last 25 years I had missed the fact that I was fat? It just wasn't that simple, and I knew even as I sat there that a diet was just not the cure. If it was, then all those costly programs I had participated in over the years would have worked.

December 2011
[Click the picture to enlarge]

A slender, handsome young nurse called out my name to check me in. Great, I thought to myself, maybe I won't have to get on the scale THIS time. No such chance. "Please step on the scale, Crystal," he requested. I took in a deep breath and stepped on. Every muscle in my face cringed. The number ping ponged around until it landed on THE number. Tears filled my eyes as I stared down. 311 lbs. What? Was that right? How DID I get here? I had promised myself I would NEVER be one of those people; I would never get into the 300's. Yet, there I was. Surely the visit could not get worse then this.

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Posted by Crystal on March 12, 2012 at 10:32AM.

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Books Read 2011

Here's a list of books I read in 2011:

  1. Kayaks Down the Nile – John Goddard (January 10, 2011)
  2. Handle with Care – Jodi Picoult (January 15, 2011)
  3. The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest – Stieg Larsson (January 23, 2011)
  4. The Hunger Games – Suzanne Collins (February 2, 2011)
  5. Catching Fire – Suzanne Collins (February 10, 2011)
  6. Mockingjay – Suzanne Collins (February 14, 2011)
  7. The Confession – John Grisham (February 26, 2011)
  8. Decision Points – George W. Bush (March 7, 2011)
  9. It's Not About the Bike – Lance Armstrong (March 10, 2011)
  10. Home to Holly Springs – Jan Karon (March 17, 2011)
  11. The Expediter – David Hagberg (March 24, 2011)
  12. Kitchen Confidential – Anthony Bourdain (April 14, 2011)
  13. Enduring Love – Ian McEwan (May 4, 2011)
  14. Two Wars – Nate Self (May 14, 2011)
  15. It Happens Every Spring – Catherine Palmer and Gary Chapman (May 29, 2011)
  16. No Mercy – John Gilstrap (June 11, 2011)
  17. Op-Center – Tom Clancy (June 22, 2011)
  18. The Priest's Graveyard – Ted Dekker (July 6, 2011)
  19. Mormonism, Mama, and Me – Thelma Greer (July 27, 2011)
  20. The Second Chair – John Lescroart (August 4, 2011)
  21. Courageous – Randy Alcorn, Alex Kendrick, and Stephen Kendrick (September 18, 2011)
  22. A Man in Full – Tom Wolfe (October 25, 2011)
  23. By the Rivers of Babylon – Nelson DeMille (October 28, 2011)
  24. Burn – Ted Dekker and Erin Healy (November 13, 2011)
  25. Edge of Apocalypse – Tim LaHaye and Craig Parshall (November 24, 2011)
  26. My Nuclear Family – Christopher J. Brownfield (December 5, 2011)
  27. Bankable Business Plans – Edward Rogoff (December 13, 2011)
  28. Kiss – Ted Dekker and Erin Healy (December 21, 2011)
  29. The Brotherhood – Jerry B. Jenkins (December 30, 2011)

Posted by Greg on January 3, 2012 at 11:07AM.

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Books Read 2010

Here's the list of books that I read in 2010.

  1. Perfect Match – Jodi Picoult (January, 10 2010)
  2. Julie & Julia – Julie Powell (January, 17 2010)
  3. Green – Ted Dekker (March 21, 2010)
  4. Born to Run – Christopher McDougall (May 8, 2010)
  5. Honeymoon with My Brother – Franz Wisner (May 25, 2010)
  6. Plain Truth – Jodi Picoult (June 1, 2010)
  7. Eat, Pray, Love – Elizabeth Gilbert (June 26, 2010)
  8. The Jungle – Upton Sinclair (July 12, 2010)
  9. Cold Fire – Dean Koontz (July 15, 2010)
  10. BoneMan's Daughters – Ted Dekker (September 9, 2010)
  11. The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath (September 21, 2010)
  12. The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind – William Kamkwamba and Bryan Mealer (October 3, 2010)
  13. A Calculated Risk – Katherine Neville (October 6, 2010)
  14. The Bride Collector – Ted Dekker (October 11, 2010)
  15. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time – Mark Haddon (October 24, 2010)
  16. Immanuel's Veins – Ted Dekker (October 31, 2010)
  17. Open – Andre Agassi (November 10, 2010)
  18. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – Stieg Larsson (December 5, 2010)
  19. The Girl Who Played with Fire – Stieg Larsson (December 22, 2010)

Posted by Greg on January 9, 2011 at 3:16PM.

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101 Things: Round 2

It's time for a new list of goals and dreams. Some of these should be fairly easy, some of them will be extremely challenging, and some will depend a lot on available time and money. Some of the items are just for fun, and some are very serious life goals. Some items are unfinished ones from my first 101 things project, and some are completely new. I'm not going to live my life solely to accomplish everything on this list, but I am going to use it to remind myself of some of the things I'd like to accomplish over the next three years.

And now, here's the list, which will be updated as I go.

Project Dates

September 11, 2010 to June 9, 2013

Project Progress

17/101 completed and 8 in progress

The List

Books

001. Read the entire Bible

002. Read How to Read a Book

003. Read 10 books listed in the appendix of How to Read a Book [0/10]

004. Read 10 books listed in 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die [3/10]

The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath (September 21, 2010)
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time – Mark Haddon (October 24, 2010)
Enduring Love – Ian McEwan (May 4, 2011)

005. Read 10 business books [1/10]

Bankable Business Plans – Edward Rogoff (December 13, 2011)

006. Read 5 books listed on the Programmer Competency Matrix [0/5]

007. Read 10 Christian non-fiction books [2/10]

Mormonism, Mama, and Me – Thelma Greer (July 27, 2011)
How to Stay Christian in College – J. Budziszewski (January 10, 2012)

008. Read 30 other books [30/30]

The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind – William Kamkwamba and Bryan Mealer (October 3, 2010)
A Calculated Risk – Katherine Neville (October 6, 2010)
The Bride Collector – Ted Dekker (October 11, 2010)
Immanuel's Veins – Ted Dekker (October 31, 2010)
Open – Andre Agassi (November 10, 2010)
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – Stieg Larsson (December 5, 2010)
The Girl Who Played with Fire – Stieg Larsson (December 22, 2010)
Kayaks Down the Nile – John Goddard (January 10, 2011)
Handle with Care – Jodi Picoult (January 15, 2011)
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest – Stieg Larsson (January 23, 2011)
The Hunger Games – Suzanne Collins (February 2, 2011)
Catching Fire – Suzanne Collins (February 10, 2011)
Mockingjay – Suzanne Collins (February 14, 2011)
The Confession – John Grisham (February 26, 2011)
Decision Points – George W. Bush (March 7, 2011)
It's Not About the Bike – Lance Armstrong (March 10, 2011)
Home to Holly Springs – Jan Karon (March 17, 2011)
The Expediter – David Hagberg (March 24, 2011)
Kitchen Confidential – Anthony Bourdain (April 14, 2011)
Two Wars – Nate Self (May 14, 2011)
It Happens Every Spring – Catherine Palmer and Gary Chapman (May 29, 2011)
No Mercy – John Gilstrap (June 11, 2011)
Op-Center – Tom Clancy (June 22, 2011)
The Priest's Graveyard – Ted Dekker (July 6, 2011)
The Second Chair – John Lescroart (August 4, 2011)
Courageous – Randy Alcorn, Alex Kendrick, and Stephen Kendrick (September 18, 2011)
A Man in Full – Tom Wolfe (October 25, 2011)
By the Rivers of Babylon – Nelson DeMille (October 28, 2011)
Burn – Ted Dekker and Erin Healy (November 13, 2011)
Edge of Apocalypse – Tim LaHaye and Craig Parshall (November 24, 2011)

Culture

009. Attend a symphony concert

010. Attend a play [May 7-8, 2011 – Crystal and I saw The Imaginary Invalid and Julius Caesar]

011. Attend a concert [October 9, 2011 – I saw the David Crowder Band in San Francisco with Ariana and my nephew Gary]

012. Watch 10 movies listed in 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die [8/10]

On the Waterfront – Jan 21, 2011
Stagecoach – Jan 27, 2011
Blackmail – Feb 3, 2011
The Jazz Singer – Mar 11, 2011
Duck Soup – Oct 12, 2011
High Noon – Jan 10, 2012
Breakfast at Tiffany's – Jan 13, 2012
Dirty Harry – Feb 14, 2012

013. Attend a Second Saturday Art Walk in Sacramento

Food

014. Attend Taste of Chico

015. Eat at the Spice Creek Cafe

016. Eat at a restaurant in Chico that I've never been to before [September 14, 2010 - Petra Mediterranean]

017. Eat food from a culture that I've never tried before

018. Cook beef bourguignon (Julia Child's recipe)

019. Learn to cook Thai curry

Faith

020. Go on a short term mission trip

021. Write in a journal (paper or digital) every day for 30 days

022. Participate in Love Chico [Oct 26, 2010]

Health and Fitness

023. Train for and complete a triathlon

024. Complete a 5k

025. Complete a 10k

026. Complete a century bike ride (100 miles)

027. Weigh less than 200 pounds (starting weight: 276 pounds) [Current weight: 250 pounds]

028. Break my addiction to caffeine

029. Go 1 month without eating ice cream [February 9, 2012]

Travel

030. Visit New Zealand

031. Visit at least one country in Europe

032. Visit a national park that I haven't yet visited

033. Visit a state or province that I haven't yet visited

034. Visit Santa Cruz [February 4-6, 2012]

Outdoor Activities

035. Go on a backpacking trip with Dad

036. Go backpacking in the Lassen area (the national park or one of the nearby wilderness areas)

037. Go snowshoeing

038. Go horseback riding

039. Camp at Juniper Lake

040. Go bicycle camping

041. Climb Lassen Peak

042. Hike a trail in Castle Crags state park

043. Hike to Bumpass Hell in Lassen National Park

Family

044. Take a 2 night or longer backpacking trip with Ariana

045. Go on a car camping trip with Emily

046. Take the kids to Lake Shasta Caverns

047. Visit Mexicali with Ariana

048. Put together an iTunes playlist of cheesy love songs for Crystal [January 10, 2011]

049. Go on a vacation with Crystal [May 5-8, 2011 – Anniversary trip to Ashland, OR]

050. As a family, watch a professional sports event (NFL, MLB, etc) in person

051. Design a book of family photos from the last few years

052. Go on a bike ride as a family

Personal

053. Have a logo for this site professionally designed

054. Redesign this site

055. Write a will

056. Copy all of the (good) music from our CDs to our iTunes library [Jan 7, 2011]

057. Take a martial arts class and advance at least one belt

058. Finish unpacking and organizing our house

059. Donate blood 3 times [0/3]

060. Complete 5 drawings [0/5]

061. Transfer all of our digital 8 videos to the computer

062. Get a professional massage

Purchases/Finance

063. Get a passport [November 20, 2010]

064. Purchase a Kindle or other e-reader [April 30, 2011 - Crystal purchased this for me as an anniversary gift]

065. Purchase the rest of the pieces for our entertainment center (receiver, speakers, computer, hard drives)

066. Purchase everything needed for our entire family to go on bike rides together

067. Purchase renter's insurance [January 31, 2011]

068. Purchase a bike rack for our car

069. Purchase a headstone for the grave of the twins

070. Build or purchase a touring bike

071. Purchase at least one canvas of our family to hang in the living room [December 8, 2010]

072. Purchase 2 books for my photo book collection [2/2]

On This Earth: Photographs from East Africa (Nick Brandt) – January 10, 2011
Chased by the Light: A 90-Day Journey (Jim Brandenburg) – January 27, 2012

073. Design and purchase our wedding album

074. Buy a new tripod

075. Build a $1000 emergency fund

Photo Business

076. Take a winter photography trip to Yosemite

077. Photograph waterfalls in North Carolina in the spring

078. Have a new logo designed for Divine Reflections Photography

079. Redesign the Divine Reflections website

080. Photograph Mossbrae Falls

081. Complete a 26 things project

082. Catch up on copyright registrations

083. Complete the setup of our image backup system

084. Complete my Bidwell Park photo project

085. Design a book with the photos from the Bidwell Park project

086. Organize and keyword all digital business photos

087. Design a companion book to Crystal's 365 day photo project

Coatesoft/Programming

088. Have a logo designed for Coatesoft

089. Design the Coatesoft website

090. Release a beta version of Blahaha

091. Have a logo designed for Blahaha

092. Come up with a better name for Photo Business Plus [December 14, 2010 - Office Mogul]

093. Have a logo designed for Office Mogul

094. Release a beta version of Office Mogul

095. Learn C

096. Learn Javascript

097. Private

098. Private

099. Private

100. Private

Life

101. Build our businesses large enough that I can drop to half time at my day job.

Posted by Greg on September 10, 2010 at 11:27PM.

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A Year with Frog and Toad (101 Things #41)

CSU, Chico has a program that allows local elementary school students to attend top-notch performances during the school year. Today, Emily got to see the musical A Year with Frog and Toad, and I got to go with her. We both enjoyed ourselves. She was captivated for pretty much the whole time, and I liked the music. (Don't laugh; the cast was talented!) Besides, it was great Daddy-daughter bonding time.

Posted by Greg on February 5, 2010 at 1:15PM.

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Books Read 2009

I was able to read more books this year than I have since I was a child. Here's the list of titles I read over the last 12 months:

  1. Nothing Lasts Forever – Sidney Sheldon (February 4, 2009)
  2. The Prince of Beverly Hills – Stuart Woods (February 11, 2009)
  3. Blood Work – Michael Connelly (February 18, 2009)
  4. Eyes of a Child – Richard North Patterson (February 27, 2009)
  5. Trunk Music – Michael Connelly (March 5, 2009)
  6. The Black Echo – Michael Connelly (March 12, 2009)
  7. The Concrete Blonde – Michael Connelly (March 18, 2009)
  8. Sinner – Ted Dekker (March 22, 2009)
  9. Lost Light – Michael Connelly (March 23, 2009)
  10. The Last Coyote – Michael Connelly (March 27, 2009)
  11. Degree of Guilt – Richard North Patterson (March 29, 2009)
  12. Saving Faith – David Baldacci (April 6, 2009)
  13. Safely Home – Randy Alcorn (April 13, 2009)
  14. Hour Game – David Baldacci (April 20, 2009)
  15. Pleading Guilty – Scott Turow (April 24, 2009)
  16. The Murder Book – Jonathan Kellerman (May 11, 2009)
  17. Fatal Terrain – Dale Brown (May 28, 2009)
  18. Mr. Murder – Dean Koontz (June 17, 2009)
  19. Ramona and Her Father – Beverly Cleary (July 2, 2009)
  20. The Lasko Tangent – Richard North Patterson (July 8, 2009)
  21. Dark Rivers of the Heart – Dean Koontz (July 15, 2009)
  22. The Charm School – Nelson DeMille (July 17, 2009)
  23. Critical Mass – David Hagberg (July 30, 2009)
  24. Whispers – Dean Koontz (August 13, 2009)
  25. My Sister's Keeper – Jodi Picoult (September 1, 2009)
  26. The Regime – Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins (September 3, 2009)
  27. Kingdom Come – Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins (September 3, 2009)
  28. Angels Flight – Michael Connelly (September 10, 2009)
  29. The Fourth Procedure – Stanley Pottinger (September 11, 2009)
  30. Twilight – Stephenie Meyer (September 14, 2009)
  31. Adam – Ted Dekker (September 20, 2009)
  32. The Rapture – Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins (September 22, 2009)
  33. Silenced – Jerry Jenkins (September 27, 2009)
  34. Shadowed – Jerry Jenkins (October 1, 2009)
  35. Red Summer – Bill Carter (October 8, 2009)
  36. New Moon – Stephenie Meyer (October 10, 2009)
  37. Utopia – Thomas More and Paul Turner, translator (October 13, 2009)
  38. Eclipse – Stephenie Meyer (October 21, 2009)
  39. Life of Pi – Yann Martel (November 2, 2009)
  40. Breaking Dawn – Stephenie Meyer (November 8, 2009)
  41. Vanishing Acts – Jodi Picoult (November 27, 2009)
  42. No Limits – Michael Phelps and Alan Abrahamson (December 10, 2009)
  43. Nineteen Minutes – Jodi Picoult (December, 18 2009)
  44. Change of Heart – Jodi Picoult (December, 23 2009)

Posted by Greg on January 7, 2010 at 10:56AM.

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Photo Stream Automated (101 Things #45)

I've checked another goal off my 101 Things list: the photo stream in the left sidebar is now automated. It pulls family photos from our photography business site as they are added. I hope you enjoy this new site feature!

Posted by Greg on December 9, 2009 at 11:00AM.

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Chili Recipe

Crystal posted a picture of a pot of my chili over on the Très Bébé blog, and several people have asked about the recipe. So, here it is. Enjoy!

Ingredients

1 lb lean ground beef
1 large onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced
salt and ground black pepper, to taste
2qt bottle of tomato juice, preferably low sodium
1 can chopped mild green chiles
2 14oz cans red kidney beans, drained and rinsed
2 14oz cans small white beans or pinto beans, drained and rinsed
1 14oz can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 14oz can chopped tomatoes
1 tsp cumin
¼ c chili powder (adjust to taste)
½ tsp ground red pepper (adjust to taste)
salt and ground black pepper to taste

Directions

  1. Brown the ground beef with the onion and garlic. Season with salt and ground black pepper to taste.
  2. Add all the other ingredients and stir well.
  3. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to low and simmer for as long as you can stand to wait.
  4. Serve with toppings as desired. We like shredded cheese and sour cream. And corn bread on the side.

Notes

  • You could also do this with dried beans instead of canned. It would probably be even better, but we use cans because I don't typically have the time to soak and pre-cook beans.
  • This recipe is a modified version of the chili that I ate at home growing up. So, my Mom gets quite a bit of credit for this.

Posted by Greg on November 12, 2009 at 11:21AM.

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Herb Gardening (101 Things #34)

I kill plants.

It's not malicious, mind you. I just tend to get really busy and forget to water them. Or I'll get busy and forget to bring them in from the cold. Or I'll get busy and let the weeds totally choke them out. Or, worst of all, I'll actually keep them alive and then get too busy to harvest the crop at the end of the season.

Click here to read more...

Posted by Greg on September 26, 2009 at 11:20PM.

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